State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
