what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
