Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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