so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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