4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If that was your dad, he is hot
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
