I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
