Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
