Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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