I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
