Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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