dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why do cheetos always look like penises
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
