I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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