And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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