Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
