What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
