ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
