A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was like eating out sand paper
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
