I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
