woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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