I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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