i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
