i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How does one acquire holy water?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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