haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
