oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
