I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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