yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
