I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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