Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
