Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
