All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
