I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
