I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
