This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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