I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
