Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
