so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
