Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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