Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
