I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They have beer where we have blood.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
