I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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