I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
