i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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