hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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