Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My vagina just recognized that song.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
