I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
