The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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