Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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