he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
