think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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