I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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