A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
