Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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