My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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