I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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