I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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