You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
