the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
