well I can't set my house on fire every night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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