It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
