I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
