I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize