omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
