Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
