You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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