this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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