she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
