god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
