I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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