im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
