I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can't special order awesome
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
