her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
