My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
