shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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