The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
