if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
