I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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