Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
