I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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