can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
