it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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