Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
