My cat gives me a boner
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
