Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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