he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
