Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize