I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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