There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
