I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
be right there i have to get my cape
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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