she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
