Where is the hickey?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
