we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize