I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
